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3 things to remember to prevent violence against women

shutterstock_39879082
Photo grabbed from https://thoughtcatalog.com/megan-schmeisser/2014/09/women-still-believe-they-have-to-blame-themselves-for-being-abused-and-thats-the-problem/

On March 26, 2018, I graced the Culmination of Women’s Month Celebration at the Cordillera Administrative Region Training Center, Teachers Camp, Baguio City.  The occasion was attended by uniformed trainees of the Philippine National Police.

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An image of the token from Philippine Public Safety College. 

In the said event, I shared three things that could save a woman from being abused.  Below is an excerpt of the message delivered:

xxx

There are only three things that I would like to share to you this morning, brave men and women.  And to make it easy for us to remember, let us use the acronym: S-P-O

What does SPO stand for?

1) “S” – Speak up.

Maya Angelou, an American author and civil activist, said:

Each time a woman stands up for herself, without knowing it, she stands up for all women.

Resulta ng larawan para sa maya angelou
Maya Angelou, photo taken from https://www.biography.com/people/maya-angelou-9185388

Ladies, do not be afraid to speak up.

Every day in our office, we receive complaints about women being battered physically and emotionally, women not receiving support from their husbands, women being raped and abused.  They come to our office fearful because of their experience, but behind that fear I actually see – COURAGE.

I see courage because even in the midst of a traumatic situation, they were able to carry themselves out of the room, where they were battered and abused, to go to the authorities, to the police station, to our office.

They may look very afraid, but friends, there are “others” who are in worse situations.  Who are these “others”? They are women who could not speak up, women who are still inside the four corners of their room afraid of telling someone that they are being abused.  They are the ones whom we need to reach now.  I won’t ask you to raise your hands but it is possible that some of you are here.

Do not be afraid to speak up.

2) “P” – Promote.

During your stay here as a trainee, I believe you learned about laws protecting women.

You are not learning that for nothing.  Now that you are aware of these laws, you need to use them promote the rights of women, you need to advocate for them.

Promote. Inform your neighbors and the women around you that we have these services so that they will know where to go.

3) “O” – Offer.

Offer help. Since you are empowered, through your knowledge and your trainings, when you see a woman in need of assistance. You-OFFER-help.

Violence against women is not just a domestic problem but a social and community concern.

When you see someone being abused, you offer to help that woman, you encourage her to report to the authorities.

So now, what does SPO stand for?

Speak up, Promote, and Offer.

Let me just read to you a very powerful literature that I read:

I GOT FLOWERS TODAY
by Paulette Kelly

I GOT FLOWERS TODAY
IT WASN’T MY BIRTHDAY OR ANY OTHER DAY.
WE HAD OUR FIRST ARGUMENT LAST NIGHT
AND HE SAID A LOT OF CRUEL THINGS THAT REALLY HURT ME
I KNOW HE IS SORRY AND DIDN’T MEAN THE THINGS HE SAID
BECAUSE HE SENT ME FLOWERS TODAY.
 

Resulta ng larawan para sa flowers
Photo grabbed from https://www.fromyouflowers.com/products/youre_in_my_heart_3.htm

I GOT FLOWERS TODAY
IT WASN’T OUR ANNIVERSARY OR ANY OTHER SPECIAL DAY
LAST NIGHT HE THREW ME INTO THE WALL AND STARTED TO CHOKE ME
IT SEEMED LIKE A NIGHTMARE I COULDN’T BELIEVE IT WAS REAL
I WOKE UP THIS MORNING SORE AND BRUISED ALL OVER
I KNOW HE MUST BE SORRY…BECAUSE HE SENT ME FLOWERS TODAY.

Resulta ng larawan para sa flowers
Photo grabbed from: https://www.flowersnfruits.com

I GOT FLOWERS TODAY.  TODAY WAS A VERY SPECIAL DAY.  LAST NIGHT, HE FINALLY KILLED ME.
HE BEAT ME TO DEATH.
IF ONLY I HAVE GATHERED ENOUGH COURAGE AND STRENGTH TO LEAVE HIM.

I WOULD NOT HAVE GOTTEN FLOWERS TODAY.

Resulta ng larawan para sa funeral flowers
Photo grabbed from https://www.italflorist.com/flowers/funeral-casket-sprays/all-white-flowers

So not only to the women, I will say this to everyone, do not hesitate to stand up for women’s rights, because by doing so, you are not only standing up for yourself but also for your mother, for your sister, for your wife, for your grandmother, for humanity…

xxx

It was quite an unforgettable experience for me seeing our men and women in uniform nodding and agreeing that violence against women should not be tolerated at all. Indeed, change has come for our women and we are making this change work for each of them.

For laws related to the Magna Carta of Women, you can browse on the following:

  1. R.A. 8353 (Anti-Rape Law of 1997)
  2. R.A. 9208 (Anti-Trafficking in Persons Act of 2003)
  3. R.A. 9262 (Anti-Violence Against Women and Their Children Act of 2004)
  4. R.A. 7877 (Anti-Sexual Harassment Act of 1995)
  5. R.A. 8972 (Solo Parent’s Welfare Act of 2000)

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6 Effective Tips to making “employment termination” less heartbreaking

Our organization may be small at this stage, but thankfully, we reached a point where we gained the trust of our clients because of the way we do things.  Because of this, we committed to do everything to be able to hire the best fit to join our team.

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Enroll your child at Bright Hope Room for Growth Inc.  Baguio City’s Premiere Kindergarten School that offers Baby, Toddler, Nursery, Pre-Kinder, and Kindergarten Program. Visit our facebook page by CLICKING THIS.

Located at 2nd Floor, Luke Foundation Building, 90 Leonard Wood Road, Baguio City.  Contact 074-424-2647 or  09176562006.  Look for Teacher Amanda Demandante.

In the process of hiring new team members, there will always be times that we commit lapses – meaning, we hire the wrong people. Thus, there are those who make the cut but eventually get cut.

As a Human Resource Development practitioner,  one of the important aspects of effectively managing people is one’s ability to relay the phrase – “you are fired” with less drama, less heartbreak.

I consider it an achievement being able to deliver bad news and at the same time helping the receiver look at the brighter side of the message.

Here are some tips that I can share to my fellow HR practitioners:

  1. Give the news personally and directly – There are several channels of communication, but the most effective channel to breaking down this kind of news is through a face to face meeting.  In this way, you will immediately know your employee’s reaction and be able to address it right away.

Na-imagine mo ba na makatanggap ng text message na ang laman ay tinatanggal ka sa trabaho?  Nakamamatay yan.  What if your employee received that message while crossing the pedestrian lane? What if na-shock siya, hindi nakagalaw, at nasagasaan? Dagdag kunsensiya mo pa. So better relay the message ng harap harapan.

Also, you must do it directly para hindi mukhang chismis.  Hindi pwede yung i-teterminate mo si Ana pero bago pa malaman ni Ana e alam na ni Mila dahil idinaan mo sa kanya. Diba?

2. Balance the content – One technique in balancing the content is to apply the “sandwich approach”.

This means that you say good things first about his or her performance (dapat sincere ka naman dito).  After affirming the person, carefully move to the more sensitive information, the fact that he or she committed something and that it is a ground for termination, then assure him or her that it is not the person but it is the act (kasi ganun naman talaga, walang personalan, trabaho lang).

Example:

Employer:  You know, you are a good employee etc etc. I have not heard anything bad about you. However, there is this instance that we would need some explanation. (Tell him or her the facts) Would you want to say something about it?

Employee:  Explain, explain, explain.

Employer:  Ok, thank you for giving your side on the matter.  We will use this in crafting our decision.  We are however, giving you 5 days to explain this in writing. While preparing your written explanation, please remember that this is not about you, but it is about what happened. Ok? 

Employee: Thanks. 

Don’t immediately condemn the employee.  Everybody commits mistakes and this might just be another hump in their careers.

3. Be specific – How will the employee know the specific violation he or she committed if you speak in general?  Dapat sabihin mo kung ano talaga yung violation niya complete with details e.g. incident report by a witness, cctv footage, and other available evidence.

This will avoid unnecessary debate kasi kitang kita na kung sino nagkamali.  This has saved me a lot of energy debating with employees who have the tendency to deny to death.

4. Give feedback when the receiver is most ready to accept it – there is no better timing than immediately after the incident happened.

Nawawalan ng halaga ang mensahe mo kung ang pangyayari ay nangyari ngayong araw pero next month mo pa ina-address. This only means na you are just trying to find ways to get rid of your employee at hindi maganda yan.  Siguradong pagdududahan ka rin kapag nagsampa ng illegal dismissal ang empleyado mo.

5. Be accurate; validate your information. – Before you even relay the message, gather facts and investigate.  Mahirap ang magkamali.

Can you imagine breaking a news that would possibly change someone else’s life tapos mali mali pala ang facts mo?  There might be legal implications so better get your facts straight before you present it to the person being terminated.

6. Offer Continuing support – Most of my termination meetings, thankfully, end in a good note and I enjoy the fact that we all remain friends.  To maintain relationship, assure them that you care for them and that everything happens for a reason. 🙂

Siyempre, the tips above won’t suffice if you don’t follow the legal process. May sinasabi tayong 2 notice rule sa Labor Law but that will be covered in another topic.

In order to be guided in legally terminating erring employees, it will be best to consult your lawyer.

Photo Credit: http://www.pistonandfusion.org/blog/warning-signs-fired/

tarp for kennon 4 x 16

About the Author:

Dexter D. Diwas is the co-founder of Bright Hope Room for Growth Inc., a premiere Kindergarten School in the City of Baguio, Philippines.  He is a lawyer who is passionate about Business, Human Resource Development, and Career Advising. He is currently taking up Master of Management at the Institute of Management, University of the Philippines – Baguio.  

Dexter DiwasLeave a comment

MGA BOTANTE, PIPIGILANG BUMOTO NGAYONG 2016 (NO BIO, NO BOTO, RA 10367)

I’m foreseeing a situation where many citizens won’t be able to vote this coming 2016 elections just because they did not have their biometrics data taken.

Kaya kung gusto mong maka-boto at maging parte ng pagbabago, basahin at isapuso ang mga sumusunod na impormasyon:

Ano ba ang biotmetrics data?

Ang biometrics data ay ang mga sumusunod:

PICTURE

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Kelangan maayos kayo tignan para mag-click ang camera. Medyo smile ng konti but don’t show too much teeth lalo na kung ang teeth niyo ay di too much. May built in camera na din sa computer ng COMELEC staff so no need to bring 2×2 or 1×1 picture.

SIGNATURE

IMG_0954
Sa picture na ito, makikita niyo ako na linalagay ang aking digital signature. Yes, di na po ninyo kailangan ng ballpen para gawin ito.

FINGERPRINT

IMG_0958
Hindi na din messy ang pagkuha ng fingerprints dahil digital na din ito. Gone are the days na maghahanap ka pa ng papel na pamunas or bebentahan ka ng tissue or wet wipes para lang mabura ang nakakadiring tinta.

ang lahat ng ito ay kuha gamit ang voter registration machine at magiging bahagi ito ng iyong voter record registration.

Ayon sa bagong batas, Republic Act 10367, kung ang isang botante ay wala o di kumpleto ang biometrics data, siya ay madedeactivate at di makakaboto sa darating na eleksyon.

Kaya kung wala o kulang nag iyong biometrics, kailangan mong magpakuha nito sa COMELEC sa inyong lugar.

TANDAAN:  NO-BIO, NO BOTO. Maging parte ng pagbabago, tumakbo na sa COMELEC sa inyong lugar.

Hanggang OCTOBER 31, 2015 nalang po ang registration. Please share this info to your friends.

FOR JOB OPPORTUNITIES IN BAGUIO CITY, PLEASE CLICK THIS LINK.

Dexter DiwasLeave a comment

How much should my ex-partner give as financial support?

grabbed from rolling out.com
grabbed from rolling out.com

Dear Kuya D.

My name is Amelita Orpiano from Tarlac, just call me Amor for short. I have a partner for ten (10) years but we are not married. We have a five (5) year old child out of the said relationship. However, two (2) years ago, we decided to part ways due to irreconcilable differences. Since then, he’s been giving my child and I a monthly financial support of TEN THOUSAND PESOS (P10,000.00).

Recently, I learned that my ex-partner Eduardo, already got married to a girl named Claudia who just gave birth yesterday. Eduardo called me and said that our monthly support will now be reduced to FIVE THOUSAND PESOS (P5,000.00). I screamed NOOOOOOOOO! But he insisted because according to him, he now has another child and a wife to support.

I have a plan. I wanted to enter into an agreement with him regarding our monthly support and that I wanted for it to remain TEN THOUSAND PESOS (P10,000.00). What should I do? Please tell me!

Dear Amor,

Kalma lang po. Reading your story, let me answer the following questions for you:

  • Are you entitled for support from your ex-partner?
  • Is your child entitled for support?
  • Can he reduce the current monthly TEN THOUSAND PESOS (P10,000.00) financial support that you are receiving from him?
  • Can you enter into agreement for it to remain TEN THOUSAND PESOS (P10,000.00)?
  • Does the law provide for a fixed amount of support?

Let me discuss to you what support is.

What is support?

    Support comprises everything indispensable for sustenance, dwelling, clothing, medical attendance, education and transportation in keeping with the financial capacity of the family. (Art. 194, Family Code)

1) Are you entitled for support from your ex-partner?

I’m sorry to say but “You” are not entitled for support from your ex-partner. The law provides under Article 195 of the Family Code that only:

  • Spouses;
  • Legitimate ascendants and descendants;
  • Parents and their legitimate children and the legitimate and illegitimate children of the latter; and
  • Legitimate brothers and sisters, whether of the full of half-blood. (Art. 195, Family Code)

are obliged to support each other. Considering that you are not the spouse, your ex-partner is not obliged to support you.

2) Is your child entitled for support?

Definitely, your child is entitled for support and that is also based on Article 195 of the Family Code as provided above.

3) Can he reduce the current monthly TEN THOUSAND PESOS (P10,000.00) financial support that you are receiving from him?

Yes. The law provides that support shall be increased or reduced proportionately, according to the increase/or reduction of necessities of the recipient and the resources or means of the person obliged. (Art. 202, Family Code)

 Since you mentioned that Claudia, Eduardo’s wife just gave birth then it is understood that the resources of your ex-partner will now be divided in accordance to the needs of his family and his child with you.  Thus, the TEN THOUSAND PESOS (P10,000.00) monthly support that your child is receiving may be reduced.  Of course, it will be a different story if your ex-partner’s salary allows or makes it possible for the P10,000.00 monthly support to be maintained.

4) Can you enter into agreement for it to remain TEN THOUSAND PESOS (P10,000.00)?

Yes. You can always enter into an agreement for the financial support to remain TEN THOUSAND PESOS (P10,000.00) but remember that there is a provision that says that support can also be increased or reduced depending on the resources or means of the person obliged.

So, even if you have a written agreement that the monthly support shall be TEN THOUSAND PESOS (P10,000.00) but the salary of the person obliged to support is, for instance, TWENTY THOUSAND PESOS (20,000.00) and he is also supporting a wife and a child, then it wouldn’t be fair that you will be getting half of his salary.

5) Does the law provide for a fixed amount of support?

No. It shall be in proportion to the resources or means of the giver and to the necessities of the recipient. (Art. 201, Family Code)

PRACTICAL ADVICE:

Sit down with your ex-partner and show him a breakdown of the needs of your child. It will be a better approach that way rather than insisting for a fixed amount with the other party wondering if the said amount is being spent properly. The normal tendency of the support giver is to think that you are not spending everything for your child and that you are using the money for other purposes. So the best solution is to back up your demand with some details.

Also, it is for the best interest of your child that you remain friends with your ex-partner so that it will not be heavy on his heart to be handing you your child’s financial support. It is true that the money goes to his child and he shouldn’t be complaining but it will still be different if the person managing his child’s money accepts it with a smile. Besides, you have both decided to separate ways so just maintain a friendly relationship for you and your child’s sake.

I hope I was able to help you with your concern Amor. If you have some clarifications, just drop a personal message on my facebook page and remember that the above advise is only based on the story you have provided.  Meanwhile, if you want to be relieved from stress, read some of my articles under HUMOR category.

Thank you very much and wishing you good life ahead. 🙂